


No Matter Where You Go, There You Are

by Duck_Life



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Carl Grimes, Coming Out, Gay Apocalypse Road Trip, Gen, Post-Episode s0705 Go Getters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 11:46:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8712133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duck_Life/pseuds/Duck_Life
Summary: Jesus and Carl have a talk. Carl realizes some things about himself.





	

“So,” Jesus says, leaning against a stack of crates as the Saviors’ truck speeds along. “Apart from, well, _this_ , how’s your day?”

Carl snorts a laugh as he’s settling in among the supplies stolen from the Hilltop. “Alright,” he shrugs, and then blushes a little. “I kind of… had my first kiss.”

Jesus whistles. “Well that’s something,” he grins. “Nice to see young love flourishing even after the end of the world.”

“Yeah, well,” he says, pushing the brim of his hat up so he can brush his bangs out of his face. “I’ll probably never see her again. So.”

“Never say never, my friend,” Jesus tells him, smiling. “Maggie told me about how she and Glenn were separated. Found each other, despite everything.” Abruptly, he drags the mood down. “Anyway. Never say never.”

Thinking about Glenn hurts like hell, and Carl tries not to. Which, really, only reinforces what Enid tried to tell him. Going after Negan isn’t about Glenn or Abraham, it’s about Carl. It’s all mixed up and painful and he just _doesn’t want to think about it_. So he changes the subject. “When did you first kiss a girl?”

Jesus laughs. “Still haven’t,” he says. “Hopefully never will.”

“Oh,” Carl says. “ _Oh_.”

“Yeah,” Jesus says, looking suddenly uncomfortable. “So, uh—”

“No, no, it’s cool,” Carl swears. “I know other people who are gay. So.” He reddens again, immediately feeling ridiculous. Even in the post-apocalypse, it’s still a lame way to respond to someone who’s just come out to you. “I mean. Um.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jesus says. “You didn’t know. But now that you do, I can tell you that it is _acres_ of fun to tell people that I think the actual Jesus was gay, too.”

“I mean,” Carl says, smiling, “wasn’t there something about Judas kissing him?”

Jesus cracks up. “There you go!”

They laugh and watch the road and the trees disappear behind them. The sky darkens. Carl thinks about Enid and Michonne and Judith and his dad. He tries not to think about Glenn and Abraham. He tries really hard not to think about Negan. He tries even harder not to think about himself.

“My first kiss,” Jesus says, breaking the silence, “was with a guy named Hank. We were fifteen. We were getting Dairy Queen after taekwondo and he just… kissed me.”

His eyes mist over at the memory, and it kind of hits Carl that Hank is definitely dead. That Jesus may or may not have _seen_ him die, but that he’s definitely dead. Most people are these days.

“Today was only my first kiss with a girl,” Carl blurts out, scrambling for a way to make his traveling companion feel better. “I, um. There was this guy at Alexandria. Ron. And we… one day in the woods, we kind of. Sort of, uh. Kissed. And it was… we were mad at each other after, but when it was happening, it was… nice.” Carl picks at the edge of his bandage and the brim of his hat and his clothes and the crate he’s sitting on, fiddling with anything to distract himself from the pounding in his ears. “But I still like girls.”

“That’s okay,” Jesus says, leaning back. “You know, you can like both.”

“No.” Carl says it like that’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. You can’t be _both_ tall and short. You can’t be _both_ naked and fully clothed. You can’t be _both_ straight and gay.

“Ever heard of bisexuality?”

Carl stays quiet for a moment to make it look like he’s thinking really hard. “No.”

“Well,” Jesus says, slipping into the role of Gandalf the Gay, wise mentor to all questioning youth, “some people are gay and some are straight, and then some people are neither. There’s people who like all genders.”

“Oh,” Carl says. “ _Oh_.”

The truck hits a bump and the crates jostle, but Carl look frozen in place. Suddenly, Jesus can’t help but think of all the teenagers struggling through this world trying to figure themselves out while simultaneously just trying to survive. Kids who are afraid to come out to their parents, terrified they’ll be thrown to the dead. Kids with no Internet, no TV, no gay celebrities with pearly white smiles telling them, “It gets better.”

Like a cockroach, homophobia survived the apocalypse. And Jesus has a damn big heart but he can’t help everyone.

“Look,” he says, “I’m not, like, telling you who you are. I’m not trying to label you or force you into some box just because I feel like it. Just… if you _are_ having those feelings, that’s okay. And there’s a word for it and it’s okay. And you can still like girls and kiss girls and that’s… that’s all okay. Okay?”

Carl nods, shell-shocked and tongue-tied.

“And if you ever want to talk,” Jesus continues, “I’m right here. You know. Assuming we don’t get murdered by Negan and the Saviors.”

“Right,” Carl says, nodding slowly. It’s hard enough staying alive that there’s barely any time to think about _living_. Discovering yourself. Growing, learning. It was sort of one of those things that fell to the wayside. When he was old enough to understand what it meant for a man to love another man, he’d already shoved aside those old feelings, dismissed them. “I’m sorry—”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Jesus says. “That’s what road trips are for, right? Big revelations.”

“This is a road trip?” Carl says, slowly settling back into himself, part of his mind mulling over the new information. “We’re more like stowaways.”

“Even better,” Jesus says. “You ever seen National Lampoon’s Vacation? This is gonna be fun.” The truck travels on. Carl thinks about Aaron and Eric, Tara and Denise, about Jesus. He thinks about the way Enid’s hair smells, and about the soft smile of a boy now buried.

He thinks about himself.


End file.
